The World We Laugh In

This is an excerpt from Graham's The World We Laugh In. Because the book was published in 1924 in London, it still falls under copyright protection -- so just this one excerpt. If you're looking for your own copy of the book, check out Abebooks.com -- that's where I got my copy.

Though many men have made their mark
By rising daily with the lark,
'Tis not a plan I recommend ;
The practice no one can defend.

For Man to emulate the beast
Is quite absurd, to say the least,
But if you must, then try to find
A bird of some more torpid kind,
Content in slumber to recline
Till half-past eight or even nine.

Then let a stealthy menial creep
Within the chamber where you sleep,
In silence draw the blind half up

And at your elbow place a cup
Of tea, with buttered bread to suit,

Or, if you prefer it, fruit.

But if the latter food you choose,
Take care what kind of fruit you use !

I recollect, in early life,
I loved our local surgeon's wife

I ate an apple ev'ry day,
To keep the doctor far away !

Alas ! he was a jealous man
And grew suspicious of my plan.

He'd noticed sev'ral pips about
When taking my appendix out
(A circumstance that must arouse
Suspicions in the blindest spouse),

And, though I squared the thing somehow,

I always eat bananas now !

         ~Harry Graham

Graham, Harry. World We Laugh In, The. London: Methuen & Co. LTD. 1924